OHTA.ca

Please place all driving/police/ticket/and related jokes here for everyone to laugh at.

Please only post appropriate jokes. All posts will be moderated.

Thank you.

Cop: Why were you driving so fast?

Driver: I was trying to get home BEFORE the alcohol effects my driving...

An extremely polite policemen stops a good-looking woman

Cop: Did anyone tell you that you have wonderful eyes?

Woman: Yes, I've been told that before...

Cop: Then tell me, why don't you use those wonderful eyes to look at the traffic signs?

- Honey, did I park the car too far from the curb?

- Which one, the left or the right one?

Johnny Leadfoot is driving along just after his wife left him for a traffic cop. Lost in his thoughts he didn't notice the speedo heading way too far to the high side of 120. Suddenly he passes an officer and on go the lights and siren. Johnny, being of not so sound mind and sound Porsche 911 turbo, deside WTF I have nobody to answer to and grabs 4th and accelerates......

He hit 149 on the 401 and thinks WTF am I doing and pulls over. Moments later the officer pulls up behind him and proceeds to his window, while still brushing off the powdered sugar from his donut and complaining about how hard it is to get a Tim Hortens stain out of his uniform.

The officer get Johnny's lisence etc and runs it through the computer. The officer comes back to the window, telling Johnny he has an exemplary record and does not want to tarnish it. The officer says tell me something I haven't heard before and you can go.

Johnny ponders the moment and tells the officer, "My wife just left me for a traffic cop......". The officer says "yeah and". Johnny retorts, "I thought you were coming to give her back".

Officer: You can go Johnny, you can go.

A cop pulls over an elderly woman for speeding. Looking at the license, he realized that that was his former teacher. As the cop was writing out the ticket, he told her "and now, Mrs. Edna Krabappel, pull out the pen and paper and write "I will not disobey traffic rules" 100 times"!

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.

The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, 'Low Bridge overhead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his

car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.

Haha...I liked that one!

Best excuse

Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not god!!!

Follow the link and watch video's 1 through 8. I like the one where the monkey tries to bribe the cop, Hilarious.

Insert donut joke here....hahahaha.

That was awesome. My favorite was the first aid. They should take the pet peeves thread on this site and apply the trunk monkey concept to it. Someone cuts you off, pop the monkey through the sunroof, a few well placed eggs...

Do monkeys count on high occupancy vehicle lanes?

ticketcombat wrote:That was awesome. My favorite was the first aid. They should take the pet peeves thread on this site and apply the trunk monkey concept to it. Someone cuts you off, pop the monkey through the sunroof, a few well placed eggs...

Do monkeys count on high occupancy vehicle lanes?

Just as long as you can get them to wear a wig and put on their seatbelt.